Your story is so cool because your super cool hero is super cool and you keep telling us how super cool they are by showing us how super cool he is. Forget the story. Let’s all just watch how super cool you are—I mean, how super cool your hero is.
Your story is so emotionally powerful, I can definitely see why that sex scene was completely relevant to the story.
Your story is so believable that the characters are 100% consistent with their thesis when they’re not setting up a joke that fits into the story like whale in a dog house.
Your characters have so much depth you only made everybody but the protagonist an offensively boring stereotype.
Your story is so well-planned I barely noticed that shoe-horned political agenda you tagged on at the end.
Your story is so gender-sensitive you made the female love interest a plank of wood with lipstick and hair.
Your story is so cleverly written that you had your characters blurt out their character theses of two whole dimensions so you would only insult the members of the audience that had functioning brains.
Your story is so stupid your “obsessed” protagonist forgot a “few” details about the thing they are supposed to be obsessed with.
Your story puts me to sleep because your villain is so stock I made them into soup and ate it.